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Considering Re-Marriage in Midlife

By: Elizabeth Grace - Updated: 8 Oct 2012 | comments*Discuss
 
Remarrying In Midlife Blended Families

Sometimes, those who have been through a divorce or the death of a spouse remain single for the remainder of their lives, but others are able to move on and find love again. Some reach the point when remarriage becomes a possibility, but there are a number of things that they might consider.

Healing

The end of a marriage is sure to be a difficult thing. In the case of divorce, one or both members of the couple are likely to harbour hurt feelings and may have a hard time trusting again. In all likelihood, the marriage began with the sense that it would last forever, so when the relationship deteriorates to the point of being unsalvageable, it has to be disheartening.

Finding a way to move on without bitterness is important, though, even if people have no intention of ever seeking new romantic relationships. Simply being able to let go of past hurts can be freeing and such inner peace is necessary in order to rebuild happy lives. Those who find themselves stuck in old patterns of thinking may wish to seek counselling in order to regain their sense of well being.

Some marriages do last “until death do us part,” but surviving spouses may be unsure how to proceed with their lives. Having cared for someone exclusively for years and suddenly be forced to envision a different life is unsettling, to say the least, but many people are put in this unfortunate position every year. Grief counselling can be quite beneficial, helping the bereaved to find happiness. For some, healing may even lead to being open to the notion of finding love and marrying again.

Blended Families

Marriage almost always involves a certain blending of families, but for some of those in midlife who are considering remarriage, the blended family may live under one roof. If either one or both members of the couple have children who are not yet grown, special consideration must be given to ensure the happiness of all family members. Kids do not always welcome a new step-parent and step-siblings, but with thoughtful preparation, most blended families learn to adapt to the changes and live well together.

It’s easiest if both parents agree on issues such as house rules and disciplinary measures, because the expectations should be the same for all members of the household. Like all new situations, it may take a bit of time for blended families to live peacefully, but if both members of the couple are fair and consistent, initial problems are likely to work themselves out.

Financial Considerations

By midlife, many people have reached a certain comfort level, financially. Remarriage is sure to require some merging of finances, but many people hope to protect the bulk of their individual assets. Some wish to ensure that their children’s inheritances will be protected, while others simply look to maintain their financial independence. Considering the fact that about half of all marriages fail, financial advisors would agree that it is wise for those considering remarriage to take steps to protect themselves financially.

Prenuptial agreements are commonplace, especially if one member of the couple has considerably more assets then the other. Couples should discuss their financial expectations before marriage, and if necessary, they may wish to consult with a lawyer specialising in family law in order to give both people the comfort of knowing that the assets they had going in to the marriage will remain in their control.

Happily Ever After

By midlife, most people know themselves pretty well and are aware of what they need to be happy. Unlike young married couples, those who have lived a bit are unlikely to hold unrealistic expectations about love and marriage, so they should, in theory at least, be capable of nurturing marriages that are solid and long lasting.

Also, many middle aged people have reached a point in their lives when they no longer feel the need to take themselves seriously all of the time, and allow for a bit of silliness without worrying about what they “should’ be doing. This relaxed attitude, combined with the desire to live happy lives, should make them ideal candidates for “happily ever after” marriages.

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